Context is Everything

While waiting for my supper to cook last night, a little on the late-ish side, and feeling the need to move my body, I headed out for a fast walk (the only way I know how to walk). I headed down Main Street and then out North Water Street where I walked as far as the Harbor View Hotel, then back again and down past the Chappy Ferry and along Dock Street, not an untypical walk for me. It was dark, save for the antique lanterns that lit the way, along with maybe two or three houses that were lit from within; there were no stars to speak of, but most remarkably, there was not a single soul to be found. I should say that one of the reasons I walk this route is because of the possibility of encountering other forms of humanity. After being home alone all day (every day for the past few weeks), a hello or a smile from another human being is most welcome. I did encounter two of Edgartown's finest at the bottom of Main Street in their cruisers and passed the time with them for a few minutes, which was both a welcome relief from the solitude and a pleasant diversion.

The biggest struggle for me at the moment is the lack of context I'm experiencing. My life up to now has been defined by my work and social interactions; a life filled with grandchildren and children and their activities, a home filled with family and friends and live music and B&B guests, with many hours a day tending to my home in preparation for and cleaning up after these guests, and, for 30 hours a week, a job caring for the now-elderly woman I've been caring for for 30 years, all of which has been on hold for the last six weeks.

How many times have I wished for more time to pursue some of my extracurricular activities such as organizing my photos, completing my handful of book projects, learning new songs, getting better at the bouzouki and the fiddle? The irony here is that now that I have all the time in the world, I am hard-pressed to even get out of bed in the morning (I am even creating this post via voice-to-text on my phone from my bed, barely having finished my first cup of coffee). Without the context of work and friends and family, I have lost all motivation. It's as if I am in a vacuum. I have always wondered what it would be like to be retired, and now I can tell you, retirement is definitely not for me.

I also dare to say that we are precariously close to destroying the motivation and soul of our country - not to mention the economy - with what is now turning out to have been draconian and freedom-seizing reactions to covid-19.

(a couple from the phone - somehow I walked out without the Lumix last night)